K and E: First Night

My eyes opened at the sound of my alarm clock I blinked a couple of times and sat up. I reached across my bed and slapped annoying awakening apparatus into silence.

I got out of bed and prepared for the coming day with slow, mechanical motions.

Ten minutes passed, and I realized I was fully dressed and walking out the door with backpack in hand.

The experience left no lasting impression on my psyche whatsoever, leaving me confused for a second. I just sighed and closed my bedroom door on my way out.

I felt so numb. At least, that's what I thought deep down, under all of the... Other things that I wasn't so familiar with.

oXo

Much like my morning and my trek to school, the entire day seemed to whisk by, leaving me behind, muddled and disoriented.

All while thinking about him. Kenny. All I could think about was Kenny; our friendship, his innocence, how sorry I was. I couldn't recall much of anything else.

The only reason I could think with enough coherence to contemplate this matter was because of my present company. I think.

It was lunchtime, and Ms. Class Rep, along with Dexter, invited themselves to eat with me. We were talking about this and that. Apparently they were both running for Student Council. They were arguing about that for a while before Ms. Class Rep brought up the matter we discussed the other day.

Yesterday. I meant yesterday... It seemed a lot farther away than it really was.

"So," She started as she began piercing the fruit in her cup, "How have things been?" She pivoted her head after she asked.

I tried not to let my tone sound too distant. "Good, I guess."

Dexter lowered his sandwich and cut in. "She meant the rumors." He stared right at me with that normally unsettling glare. Then returned to finishing his morsel.

"Oh."

Dexter cocked his brow. I looked back to Ms. Class Rep. She leaned forward with a small grin and popped her brows. I guess I should answer.

"They have... Diminished." I lied.

They both (yes, even Dexter) gave a celebratory fist pump. Well, Ms. Class Rep did put more oomph into it...

I felt bad that I didn't even notice their hard work. It's not that I didn't care; I was just concerned with Kenny for some reason.

All day I'd been catatonic, and I knew it had something to do with him.

"Hey Eddy, are you all right?" Ms. Class Rep asked. I snapped out of my reverie and stared at them both in a daze. She was leaning forward with her crossed arms on her desk. He was also leaning toward me, but he had his elbows propped up onto the desk and his fingers laced in front of his mouth.

I quickly nodded. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine, just tired." It was true. I was up all night. Guess why.

Ms. Class Rep leaned back a bit and plastered on a worried frown. "Are you sure?" She asked.

"...Yeah." I muttered. "Just fine."

"Liar." Dexter breathed.

We both turned to the poinDexter at the table, who was still sitting with his fingers woven together under his shining lenses.

He first glared at Ms. Class Rep then returned to me with the same expression. "You are lying, Mr McCarthy... You are not fine. It may come as a surprise, but I have studied you just like every other student in my room. How you are acting right now is not what I have classified as 'normal' for you." He paused. Maybe for dramatic effect. I glanced at Ms. Class Rep. She held a finger to her lips.

"No, you are not fine. You are 'troubled,' as I have only ever seen once before. I did not know how to classify that state until now, when you are so clearly 'troubled.' With that said, we would both care to know why you are feeling this way. Perhaps you could enlighten us." All said with a glare. Like he was bored out of his mind and wanted to leave.

I couldn't really say much of anything due to his conflicting tone and message.

"Uh... Well I agree with Dexter for the most part." Ms. Class Rep slowly uttered while she watched Dexter. She turned back to me with her bright face. "I also want to know what's... Troubling you." She hesitated when using the word Dexter had used to describe my current state. "Could you please tell us? Maybe we could help?"

I opened my mouth eager to share, and after a second closed it. I shook my head and stared at my hands. That's right. Kenny. I couldn't just tell them. So I replied, "You can't help."

"Oh..." Ms. Class Rep sounded quite a bit disappointed. "Are you sure?" She pleaded in a softer voice.

I nodded. For a second, I could feel reality warping as I returned to how I was all day.

But then-

In a bored, pompous tone, "You should never doubt the power of friendship."

I looked up at the nerd across from me. Was he going insane?

He closed his eyes and appeared to contemplate for a moment. When his eyes opened once more, his glare had... Softened? Is that the word for a slightly less hostile yet still piercing gaze?

"Friends can help you with even the most dire matters." He insisted as he turned his head forward and stared at me from over his glasses. "We are your friends. Allow us to help."

I leaned back, weirded out by the way Dexter was acting.

I looked at Ms. Class Rep. She just nodded. "Ditto."

Between the two, there was no winning. They want in, and I can't stop them. I sighed to the ceiling in defeat. "I can't tell you what happened." I mumbled.

"Doesn't matter." Dexter said.

Doesn't matter? The hell? "Then how can you help?" I demanded.

"Was it something you did?" Dexter asked.

I nodded. I suppose it was my fault.

"Did it involve one other person?"

After little deliberation, "Yeah."

"You feel like you've done wrong and you don't know what to do?" He droned.

I furrowed my brow. "Yeah... Dead on." Why is Dexter getting creepier and creepier? It's almost as if he was there. Or he's thought of everything beforehand, which is honestly worse. He probably knows everything just by being three steps ahead.

"This is how we help. Based on what data you have produced, we can now process and evaluate that information and provide you with substantially improved results, further quantums of quandaries-"

"Okay, Dex." Ms. Class Rep butted in. Dexter's mouth was still hanging open mid-syllable as she spoke. "Basically, we have some advice for you based on your answers."

I looked to the less off-putting nerd. "And that is?"

Ms. Class Rep showed all of her pearly whites with a big grin. "You just have to-"

"Do what comes naturally." Dexter finished. They looked at each other and nodded. Then they both nodded to me.

My shoulders sank with disappointment. "That's it?"

They both nodded.

This is ridiculous. "I could have thought of that!"

"Yes," Dexter agreed, "You could have, and you might already have. But you would have lacked the confidence that only your friends can impart unto you."

"..." I guess he has a point.

"What are you going to do?" Ms. Class Rep asked with a mischievous smile.

"I'm going to do whatever feels natural." I replied. "When the time's right, of course."

The bell rang, and it occurred to me that I didn't remember eating, even though I had no food left.

oXo

The end of the schoolday had come, and I really wanted to go home and sleep away my worries.

I trudged home in reverend silence without Kenny by my side.

"..."

It was very quiet without him; I hated every minute of it. It seemed like an eternity until I finally started my half-hour journey home.

The whole time I wished that the memory erasing sensation would carry me away like it did earlier today. But it never happened.

I had this empty feeling in my chest, and there was nothing to alleviate it. Only more time to contemplate it.

oXo

So here I am, standing on my doorstep.

With my backpack in one hand and the doorknob in the other, I faced a problem. Even though I told those two I could handle what's happening, I really couldn't. I said was going to do whatever feels natural, but I don't know what that means. I don't know anything. I don't know when, I don't know how. I don't even know what I'm going to do about Kenny's feelings for me-

The nonchalant face I was wearing fell. Oh my God. Kenny loves me! The little guy gathered up all of his courage and literally jumped on the chance to confess, and what did I do?

Nothing. I didn't know what to do. And I still don't know what to do. I want to do something, but I can't do this by myself. I can't do this-

I groaned as a knot formed in my chest. Why does it hurt? I've never felt like this before! How should I react to something like this?

Should I be scared?

No. I shook my head and tightly gripped the doorknob.

I... I'm done. I don't have to do anything. I can just go back to the way things were. If I don't see Kenny again, that will happen, I'm sure of it. Yeah, nothing... I'll do nothing. It's so much easier than stressing out over some little crossdresser I've only known for a month.

I'll be a being of solitude, just like the God of all Overlords. Well, except I'll be less bent on omnicide and more focused on keeping my distance from others. It's worked up till now, so it will keep working, right? Of course. Of course!

With a sigh of relief, I turned the doorknob and opened the door. No people... I feel... refreshed. This could work. I smiled.

I walked in and dropped my backpack in the hall. I nodded. Yeah... Before I walked up the stairs, my cell phone rang. I whipped it out with a grin.

My heart sank. It was a text from Kenny.

I stood still for a moment, frozen in place. I dumbly sat there, staring at the blinking screen that refused to stop telling me that I had new mail.

Without a word, while wearing a face of utter stoicity, I opened the mail.

I closed my eyes and looked up to the ceiling. I sighed.

Down on my screen, in romanized Japanese, was one short message.

[Come to the hill. I have to ask you something.]

I was still looking up when I realized that I was running. My house was already long gone, and Kenny's house was fast approaching. Just because, I looked at his house. What I saw made me run even harder. Maybe I felt more encouraged, maybe I was scared of stopping.

Kenji, with his arms crossed, was standing on his front lawn. When my strained gaze met his firy lower, he nodded deep and quick. And I ran even faster.

The sweat came to my skin and stained my clothes. My legs screamed at me to stop running. I ignored them. The air was drawing thin as I continued to rush to the hill. Nothing was standing still, and the world seemed to blur as I progressed. Nobody was in town that day. No one was driving around, stopping me.

I don't even know why I'm doing this. It's just my body... My body is doing this on it's own. I don't mind, it doesn't feel weird or anything. Actually, it feels right-

I chuckled.

Oh, I get it. It actually feels natural. So this is it. I'm doing what feels natural.

Alright instincts, I'll let you take the wheel. You seem to know what you're doing.

I'll take a seat in the back of the psyche and watch.

Oh, thanks by the way.

I watched the city background leave my peripheral vision. I watched as the hill steadily approached.

Nothing could stop me. I climbed up that hill even though I felt like I was going to break. The daily routine I was so used to seemed to have turned into an Olympic event. But I continued to literally climb up the hill, using nearby trees to push myself forward.

I finally reached the plateau. I was sweaty, I was hot, I was dead-tired. My breath was ragged and worn. After a moment to catch my breath, I dragged myself forward, to the steep cliff side and to the stalwart tree and to the reddening autumn sky.

I placed my right hand against the tree for support. Out of a whimsy inspired by an exhausted mind, I looked down.

Kenny was there, sitting with his knees tucked to his chest. He was wearing the school uniform from when we first met.

"Kenny."

He looked up at me with blood-shot eyes and tear-stained cheeks. [Eddy-kun. You came.] He patted the space to his left. [Can you sit with me?]

I nodded. My joints ached from my marathon, but I forced myself to slowly ease down to sit with my best friend.

Kenny started talking after I sat down.

"Hush."

Kenny blinked, then moaned, [But, Eddy-kun, it's important-]

He stopped talking when I leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. I smiled at his stunned face. [There's your answer.]

He started to get misty eyed. He let go of his legs while breathing heavy. [Eddy-kun...] He said as as the tears started to cascade down his cheeks, and past his smiling lips. His lips quivered and he threw his arms around my neck in a grand gesture of joy.

I put my arm around his narrow waist and gently pulled him closer to me. He nuzzled my right shoulder and dragged his right leg over, so he was sitting on me just like yesterday.

The emptiness, the dismay, the confusion... It all melted away. At that moment, I admitted to my best friend, [Kenny-chan, I love you.]

"I love you too, Eddy." I could feel Kenny smiling against my neck.

Some hours later, we were still sitting there together.

But now Kenny was facing forward, with my hands resting on his belly. He was also nodding off, which was supposed to be my job. I didn't mind. I just sat there under him and enjoyed the warmth.

That was when he said, in and off-handed tone, [How serious are you? How long are we going to stay together for?]

I shrugged. [I dunno.]

Kenny let his shoulders sag. "Ah."

I squirmed a little under him. [As long as it takes, I guess.] I added with a touch of thoughtfulness.

Kenny tried to look up at me from my lap. I could see a confused expression on his cherubic face.

I looked at the horizon. [I just don't want to see you sad.] I smiled. Unlike the few I've worn over the past month, it felt different. Soft, like I imagine Kenny's are. [I want you to be happy forever.] Looking back down at Kenny, who had twisted around to face me, I noticed that he was now wearing a soft smile like mine. [If that means being your boyfriend, then I'll do it.]

Kenny tilted his head to the side, letting his loose hair shift downward as well. His smile, while not showing any teeth, was now wide enough to [Do it...] He slowly sounded out. He shook his head and turned it upright. [Eddy-kun, you are really, really, really nice. But you aren't much of a poet.] He closed his eyes and giggled into his hand. When he opened them again, he leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek. [But that's okay.]

With that said, he returned to his previous position, except now he was trying to rest his head against my shoulder as he nodded off. I shook my head.

Time passed by in seconds. One minute, Kenny was marveling in the sky turning to red when the sun set, the next, he was sleeping when the night became cool while the moon took the sky.

It wasn't long until I found myself falling asleep. I remembered everything from that one brief moment before I dozed off:

The last thing I saw was the stars shining bright overhead.

The last thing I felt was warmth of Kenny's small frame against a part of mine, and the chilled autumn air against the other.

The last thing I heard was Kenny's light snoring as he slept against my shoulder still.

The last thing I thought was oddly enough, those words Gramps told me: "The journey is the thing."

Words to live by.

However, the journey continues.





...But for now, rest.